Doing it badly can lead to flawed decisions, strained relationships, and stalled careers. Leaders must learn how to give and receive advice effectively to do their jobs well, but the exchange is hard work on both sides of the table. Overall, the authors’ guidelines amount to a fundamental shift in approach: a creative, collaborative way of understanding problems and crafting promising paths forward-which often requires an ongoing conversation. Example: At stage 4, when it’s time to narrow down the options, a seeker might review discarded or briefly considered ideas, and his adviser might play devil’s advocate-to check for confirmation bias. Each stage includes suggestions for seekers and for advisers. The authors define the five stages of advising: (1) finding the right fit (2) developing a shared understanding (3) crafting alternatives (4) converging on a decision and (5) putting advice into action. They draw on a large body of research to identify the most common obstacles to effectively seeking and giving advice-such as thinking one already has the answers, defining the problem poorly, and overstepping boundaries-and offer practical guidelines for getting past them. The authors argue instead that they are practical skills you can learn and apply to great effect. But managers tend to view these competencies as “gifts” that one either has or lacks. Seeking and giving advice are central to effective leadership and decision making, and they require emotional intelligence, self-awareness, restraint, diplomacy, and patience on both sides.
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